They’re not even trying to hide it at this point, are they? Those wily, green-beret-sporting grocery store cookie pushers have just announced a new flavor, and it’s definitely for weed lovers.
Behold, the new Girl Scout Cookie flavor: Caramel Chocolate Chip. Yes, it is capitalized, because, like Samosas, Thin Mints, or any of the Girl Scouts’ many other temptations, it is a proper noun.
It is also, like those other pillars of the Girl Scout Cookie pantheon, obviously a munchie. I mean, caramel chips and chocolate chips? In one chewy, gluten-free cookie? It’s pretty much tailor-made for that moment when you’re walking out of a grocery store stoned AF, already carrying a bunch of snacks, and you just happen to have $5 left.
As a saying that I just made up goes: Weed maketh thine eyes bigger than thine stomach.
But when it comes to Girl Scout Cookies, that’s probably a good thing. After all, weed and Samosas (or Tagalongs or Do-Si-Dos or whatever your poison, please don’t @ me), go hand in hand. Indeed, while it’s obvious that Caramel Chocolate Chip is created for people who are familiar with the munchies, so is every Girl Scout Cookie ever made. People who love cannabis also love Girl Scout Cookies, so much that one of the most popular modern strains is named after them. In fact, there’s even a strain named specifically after Thin Mints. Will there be a Caramel Chocolate Chip? Probably not, but this latest addition is still a great incentive to get baked, eat your weight in delicious cookies, and support some young female entrepreneurship.
As Bay Area rap goddess Kreayshawn points out, there is no power move quite as effective as setting up your Girl Scout Cookie stand outside a dispensary. While it might seem like the Girl Scouts invented these cookies specifically to help people suffering from the munchies—and while they definitely are one of the absolute best things to eat while you’re high—there’s actually a very noble cause involved.
“More than just delicious cookies, the Girl Scout Cookie Program fuels girls’ development of entrepreneurial and essential life skills, and the cookie earnings power amazing experiences for girl members,” the Caramel Chocolate Chip announcement reads. “The largest girl-led entrepreneurial program in the world, the Girl Scout Cookie Program, is proven to help the majority of girl participants develop five essential life and business skills, fostering the next generation of women who are entrepreneurs and business leaders.”
Given how frequently they’re setting up stands around dispensaries, I think it’s safe to say the Girl Scouts are host to a disproportionate amount of future female business leaders of America.
May God have mercy on our stomachs.